She speaks.

Um. Hi. 

Talk about awkward.

I haven't written this post in months because, well, I don't know what to say.  I can't say that I want to get back into this.  I can't say I missed it all that much while I was gone.  What I CAN say is that I hate randomly clicking in to see that fucking Nutcracker staring me back at my face.  I can only imagine how annoying that is for you. 

[[tap tap taps into microphone...hello?... is anyone actually still out there?]]

Really, I haven't written anything because I haven't come to any conclusions; not feeling pressured to post has been refreshing, but something just hasn't let me bring this thing to a close.  I always thought I would come back.  And I still might.  But mostly it felt cheap to leave it like that.

To be fair, the five of you who actually read this thing I know I talk to in real life, so it felt unnecessary to make some big proclamation.  But maybe.  Just maybe there are others out there.   

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What I'm reeeeeeeeally thinking I didn't want to say because I don't want to offend anyone.  But, whatever, let me say it with one big disclaimer beforehand:

I READ BLOGS ALL THE TIME -- CONSTANTLY, HABITUALLY, INCESSANTLY (don't fire me, please) -- AND LOVE, LOVE BLOGS AND DON'T WANT THEM TO CHANGE AND DO NOT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE'S CONTENT IN THE LEAST.  DO WHAT YOU DO, GIRL, CAUSE I LOVE IT.

With that said.

I go back and read my shit and it just feels so trivial and vain, and it makes me cringe.  Pretty shoes are not what I'm wanting to highlight at this time.  But I'm also not sure if I want to use this thing as a public diary [oh dear god, I hope not]. Or even worse for you, my own personal soap box [would you hate that as much as I would love it? really -- I'm wondering].

Soooooooooooooooooooo.  I ended up in silence.

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Remember when I said I didn't know what to say??  Well, I sure said a whole lot WHILE saying nothing at all.  It's a secret trick of mine.   

If anything, what I really want to say is I'm sorry to bail on you with no word. 

Happy Holidays!

Katie and I are going to The Nutcracker again today.  It's the third year of our little tradition and I'm so excited! [Editor's Note:  Thank GOD I wrote this blog post otherwise I would've completely forgotten the tickets.  We bought them in July (half off!) and they've been collecting dust since then.]

Do you have any holiday traditions? 

I'm trying to start my own tradition and am about to go on a baking frenzy this weekend.  Four recipes!  Wish me luck.  I'll probably need it.

Special K Bars.
Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies.
Oreo Balls.
Cinnamon Roll Sugar Cookies.

I'm really excited to listen to Christmas music and bake.  You won't scold me if I drink champagne at the same time, right?

image via timeoutchicago    

New Bags.

I bought BOTH the coral and black version of the Deena & Ozzy Tradition Tote.  What can I say?  It was my birthday and the reviews are incredible and each bag was only $50.

So, tell me, do you think I'm crazy to get the coral version?

UPDATE:  Yeah.  I definitely returned the coral version.  It was not a soft pink like pictured, but a scary flamingo.  Away it went.  

Girls!

No better birthday present than the new trailer for Season 2 of Girls.  I've watched it an embarrassing amount of times.

Also, I'm 30!

Being a Human.

"Being a human being is not easy, and it often feels so lonely, like we’re the only ones feeling the way we do. I am so grateful when I can see myself in someone else, when I am humbled by what I needed to hear, and when I am reminded that I am not alone."

Did y'all read Fiona Apple's letter regarding cancelling the South American leg of her tour due to her dying dog?  If not, you really should.

I was touched and moved by her letter, and had those unfortunate moments of wondering what it would be like when my own pet dies.  And I thought that was that.

But then I read Tracee Elliss Ross' take on the letter and felt even more grateful for truth and the power of words.  I am never more grateful for the internet than when I read something that makes me feel seen and understood.  Especially this:

"This letter is so brave, the stuff of giants. What is so extraordinary about Fiona’s words and what touched me so deeply is her courage and her willingness to own her truth. To trust her gut and choose love — that heart-wrenching mixed bag — and choose to be present in the face of heartbreak and joy, is truly amazing.  I am always in awe of people who choose to be present for the reality of a true connection. To allow a being to be as important as Janet is to Fiona is a beautiful and powerful thing."

Words could never ring more true than they did yesterday, and it's exactly what I needed.  Sometimes being a human is harder than you'd hoped and true connections are more difficult to achieve than they should be.  But acknowledging the problem is half the battle, right?

image via pinterest/tumblr